I knew this day might come; Where I didn’t have energy to fight/try anymore.
I’m on a sick leave from work, because I can’t fix the hours I have to work, and because of that I put my colleagues and boss in a shitty position. They have been absolutely amazing for these 2 years I’ve worked with them, but it’s just too much now and I can’t put them through the insecurity and the shit I bring because of my obvious problems…
My contract runs out next month, I thought I could make it until then… but I can’t.
So when my contract runs out, I have to deal with my nemesis; The unemployment office.
I have had two meetings there this past month because I want to fix my future. I want to have a job where I function. But that’s too hard to ask for in this society.
Once again, I am trying to get myself out of the shit hole that will get deeper and deeper unless I fight for it. Once again society’s rules beats me down into a bloody pulp.
Right now I do have fight left within me though. I always have that in the beginning. I just hope that my 10 year experience with my nemesis will be enough to tell them not to fuck me over and to actually HELP me.
They don’t seem to grasp that they are here to help people. Last month when I visited them, they told me they didn’t have time for my questions. I had fight within me to stand up for myself that time though. I’m just scared that that burning spirit within me will fade more and more…again…
I’m on a sick leave now, but preparing to get my life going again in April. Which means I need to write emails to the unemployment office, I need to set up meetings with them, I need to figure shit out. I’m not really on sick leave because there is nothing within me that can ‘rest’. I need to plan and prepare for April so much.
There really is no rest for the wicked :(
(Wicked, because I don’t fit in the society-box)
I can’t afford studying, but it looks like whatever I plan on working with, I will need education.
So I have to pay for an education, with money I don’t have, to maybe get a job so I can get money to pay for the education.
Society in a nutshell.
And I can’t leave
:(
